To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously wouldrather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee. This note should be prettyeasy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over theyears. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involvedwith independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be verytrue. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating musicalong with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyondwords about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights goout and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect the way in whichit did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love and relish in the love andadoration from the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy.The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn't fair to youor me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by fakingit and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if Ishould have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've triedeverything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God, believe me I dobut it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot ofpeople. I must be one of one of those narcissists who only appreciate thingswhen they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order toregain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I'vehad a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally andas fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guiltand empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think Isimply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad.The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus man! Why don't youjust enjoy it? I don't know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambitionand empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be.
Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is goodand will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I canbarely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserableself-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good,and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful towards allhumans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, andhave empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much Iguess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for yourletters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moodybaby! I don't have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burnout than to fade away. peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney
For Frances
For her life which will be so much happier without me. I Love you. I love you!